How to Receive Love

we lead by example and teach others how to love us,

so it is funny how quick we are to get upset,

when someone treats us the way we treat ourselves,

shocked that they act like they still love us,

when they barely take the time to connect,

but how can they know someone who hasn’t taken the time to connect with and know themselves.

we take after each other,

so teach love.

what you put out you get back.

what you put in you release out.

what kind of signals are you sending people and how are you teaching others to treat you?

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something innate like instinct

our minds are in sync

 

you match the vibration to my soul

i feel our hearts are old

the same iron string

intuition for this intangible thing

we’ve known each other before

this encounter was in store

 

soulmate – g.m.c.

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who is to say what is worth knowing

we only ever got anywhere by thinking outside of the box

maybe we shouldn’t form our children into squares giving it to them “straight”

saying what they need

then condemning them for having a learning curve

the realization that they were on a steady path no where

no purpose

they decided to step out of the box

but then you measured their intelligence off the four subjects

that would allow them to fit your shape, your four sided model

you had only felt comfortable educating them in what you already knew

but their innate knowledge knowns no bounds

rather multiple dimensions

which gave them a new perspective

to see past your bullshit

you are full of it

because you’re a solid square can’t even see that you are the one who is uneducated and ignorant

but we know of peace and progression

so sit down and learn a lesson from the youth

life has more meaning than you could fathom

and yes it can all be interpreted and explained through social studies, science, english, and mathematics

but only with the heart and soul can it be understood

i may not hold a position of power now

but any influence I ever have will be used for good

 

LET THE CHILDREN BOOGIE – g.c.

Healing..Again

Excuse my vulgarness in this next poem, but I can’t think of a more subtle analogy to get what I am feeling across.

These past few months a lot of well.. shit, complete and total shit, has happened.. and I haven’t dealt with this shit like how I once did..

I had already built the strength within me to withstand the negative circumstances that would inevitably pop up in my life. My mind had grown to be so beautiful, my perspective, just the way I processed the world around me. I could gain a natural high from the simplest of things, even looking at my own two hands I was in aw. I knew I had to deal with things, to reflect on what I felt, to learn from experience, and to not care or hold judgments. Then, before I knew it, there was too much chaos at once, and I collapsed. I let my hostile environment get the best of me. I was distracted by all the drama outside of me; I lost my sense of self and all of a sudden here I am picking myself back up, after three months, that felt like two weeks in one aspect and a whole year in another. Most memories, feelings, and faces they are hazy and swirled together, a mess I don’t even want to touch. Some are crystal clear, the nights that tore me apart, that made me want to end it all; they left me desolate. Those memories have been the greatest lessons, and surprisingly my source for gratitude.  I am grateful, because every time I face a challenge that ends with me having to heal myself, I mature. I become stronger and wiser, but first comes the pain..

My mind had been ripped apart by the ones I loved most, so I closed, decided to love less, not as deep. This only tore me from myself, who I truly am. My grasp, my connection was pulled even farther. There was a point, when I couldn’t even remember how in the heck I ever loved myself. I was desperate to know what self love was again, because I just felt like a hollow being wasting space. My whole existence was painful. It no longer felt like a blessing. It once did. I may have been in this low place, but something in me knew I couldn’t stay. I had made it out before. There was still a way. So, I said, one day at a time, then maybe I will know love again. I mean, if I was going to choose to stay on this earth, mine as well grow and find that source of bliss.. mine as well find myself, again. I did resent the fact that this felt like square one. I had already sewn together the pieces of me I lost in my years of anger and depression. At least, this time, I had some direction, and an idea as to how to heal. Now, slowly but surely, it is all coming together. Reflecting and remembering I now see where I was lost. I now feel my soul again. These trials and tribulations were necessary. They were not the end all be all. I am even stronger than the girl I had compared myself to in the beginning of this post. I have remembered I always have the option to change,  start over, and to love, again, even if it feels unfamiliar at first. It is all residing within me, I just have to muster the strength to be patient, as the light finds its way out of the dark prison I confined it within.

now, for my ostentatious and explicit thoughts..

 

my mind has been fucked

satan took his dick and screwed out all the beautiful angels that had been living in my pretty little innocent mind

now,

i have to lock the pretty thoughts away,

because dare i encounter another man with rage

he will just take them and piss on them,

and act like i am too naive to have anything worthy saying

 

i feel like a caged bird

i know that sounds cliche

but this is thin ice,

and it’s already started to break

the fragments of me will stay afloat,

but the whole raw parts of my being are sinking,

because they feel so heavy to carry in the kind of world we live in

but it’s like,..

i just know there is solid ground somewhere

the question is can i keep myself above the water before i get there

the knowing will never go away

if i just gave into the impulses,

and became consumed by the standards,

or rather crushed by them,

either way,

i would always know that i am not being authentic

that i am a fake,

because i just don’t fit into this world

how can they ask me to be real,

but to also follow along and do the same..?

 

– screwed by the voices outside then inside me

 

Lucid Dreaming

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i feel each stage

my consciousness floats away

but my body remains

i feel the cold stillness of my body

i sink into the depths of my present reality

and journey to different planes

i come to the realization that a part of me is still awake

and i am in the presence of an unknown energy

a floating image somewhat familiar awakened me

still in the dream state

i fight to become fully aware and gain control of my body

disoriented at first

paralyzed by fear

because i have been here before

only it never lasted this long

i never had to fight this hard

i relax and remember to be present

i remember the impermanence of my reality

i move, wiggle

try to feel my breath

after several minutes

i am ready to give in and be swallowed by a dark presence

everything spins out of control

my heart beat quickens and the veil is lifted

my eyes open and i gasp

i never left

but what was once there is no longer

and i am in control

– g.c.

 

less problem solving, more soul searching

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cling onto the night

for when day comes you must see and face everything

the secrets kept

problems created

at night it is safe for them to be forgotten

our problems tucked safely in our back pockets

guide us through the day

lost without them

incapable of knowing a bright day

without  problems for shade

a world without worry

isn’t even conceivable

if we did ever know such a thing

then we might remember we don’t know anything

nothing is certain

our problems

our world

are not as big as we thought they were

believing that no matter what we try

the life we fantasize will never be tangible

creating problem after problem

attempting to fix something that doesn’t need to be fixed

trying to understand something that doesn’t need to be understood

seeking solutions

to peacefully come to a resolution

we have been trying to fix, understand, change perfection

a rhythmic flowing universe

where change is the only constant

creating problems to give reason to our existence

unaccepting to what is

craving explanation

readily we go blind

denying the truth

that we aren’t as big as we thought we are

neither are our problems

we are far beyond what the mind can conceive

look at the palm of your hand and feel there is nothing more real than you and i

far beyond a body or a mind

and far beyond the problems we constantly seek

 – g.c.

 

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i will not hold onto your love

and i will not hold a grudge

you hurt me

but pain is a great teacher

my pain has been a guide to liberation

i am free from your love

and have found my own

free of thirst

i swallow the love that is given

and ask for no more

i will no longer beg

your love is no longer a tease

it is not the breath that gives me life

i am stronger

not because of the times you loved me

but all those times you denied my thirst

thank god i did not take from you

you appeared to me as a well

but now that i have had a look inside

i see that you are empty

empty and dry

you lied when you said you were full and satisfied

my intuition steered me away from my thirst for a lie

even though it was of you to lie and deny

i will not deny your thirst

when i opened my mind

i found a river flowing with the best water you’ll find

it is endless

just like i am

infinite love and sustenance

to give to all

even those who are bone dry

whole – g.c.

nothing to separate the night from the day

i never tire

always awake

an energy

excited for life

time isn’t there

i don’t age

i grow

i learn

i live

i am a soul thriving

i see

my perception draws what surrounds me

it draws stars and universes in passing eyes

i speak

from my soul

i will not allow my intuition, my voice, my answers to be shut down

so ideals and lies can speak

my perspective will remain positive

as my life grows and I change

 

the truth isn’t harsh, if you have the right mindset – g.c.