i’m too familiar with these memories and emotions

so i’ve kept trying to change them

but i can only create new ones

not replace them

but the new ones have come as a reminder

in time i’ll have to face fears

let go of the people and feelings of the past

and stand on my own

at the end of the day i am not without love

even if i am alone

 

move on – g.c.

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i will not hold onto your love

and i will not hold a grudge

you hurt me

but pain is a great teacher

my pain has been a guide to liberation

i am free from your love

and have found my own

free of thirst

i swallow the love that is given

and ask for no more

i will no longer beg

your love is no longer a tease

it is not the breath that gives me life

i am stronger

not because of the times you loved me

but all those times you denied my thirst

thank god i did not take from you

you appeared to me as a well

but now that i have had a look inside

i see that you are empty

empty and dry

you lied when you said you were full and satisfied

my intuition steered me away from my thirst for a lie

even though it was of you to lie and deny

i will not deny your thirst

when i opened my mind

i found a river flowing with the best water you’ll find

it is endless

just like i am

infinite love and sustenance

to give to all

even those who are bone dry

whole – g.c.

nothing to separate the night from the day

i never tire

always awake

an energy

excited for life

time isn’t there

i don’t age

i grow

i learn

i live

i am a soul thriving

i see

my perception draws what surrounds me

it draws stars and universes in passing eyes

i speak

from my soul

i will not allow my intuition, my voice, my answers to be shut down

so ideals and lies can speak

my perspective will remain positive

as my life grows and I change

 

the truth isn’t harsh, if you have the right mindset – g.c.

my mom left

for a while.

she needed to know who she was.

even i was uncertain of who she was.

this woman i watched all my life,

amazed,

she could do no wrong,

but as i grew older,

i began to see every flaw.

still,

even those at times,

seem to be perfect.

i love her,

but sometimes i worry that she does not know.

 

we needed some distance.

and although i will always want my mother,

and though she did help me grow,

i do not need my mother.

i did not know before she left what i could do on my own.

i did not know that seeking happiness for others is more fulfilling than seeking it all for yourself.

she put me first,

and i put myself first,

not in a self loving way,

but an egocentric unfulfilling way.

 

after my mother left,

i learned about my family,

started to really see them.

i was no longer the shy girl that hid behind my mother’s leg.

i could finally see what her protective defense was hiding me from.

i fell in love with disaster,

because i knew there was something better to come.

something better would come,

and it would come from me.

i finally saw the gifts i bare.

i was taught the lesson that pain was always trying to give.

she was away but never too far.

i still could have run to her.

let her comfort and protect me from disaster,

but now i know how to deal with pain.

my mom can not make everything go away.

i love her for her comfort,

but sometimes outside of comfort there is havoc,

and just beyond havoc,

i found the greatest place,

that is freedom and peace.

comfort gave me no clarity,

although i am sure that’s what she had always hoped for.

she always tried and did help heal me,

but,

truthfully,

only i can fix myself.

i am glad i learned this.

 

i am grateful for all the times my mother would stay and just lie with me,

for all the times i knew safety,

but i am also grateful that she left,

so i could fall without being caught in her net.

i have finally realized that there is no end,

that i will always fall

 

but,

i think,

on my own,

i’ll have more room to learn to fly.

thank you, mom.

– g. c.

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the wind sweeps over you
taking your worries with you
whispering to you
that your troubles have no reason to remain
the sun kisses your skin
healing all that is within
the high you feel
just to breathe in something so real
so authentic
nothing can replace it
the joy of being
all that i am seeing
is being
stillness
movement
life
the quiet and simple noises
take away the shouting voices
until responsibility calls me away
the beauty leaves me with nothing to say
just asking me to lie with it all day
be apart of the universe
there is nothing worse
than to get caught up in the cycle of doing
forgetting the beauty of the moment
but here in this place
happiness is not far from your reach
lying here so long the sun has turned me peach
it feels as if i’ll never leave
but when I do
an inner peace will be taken too
and for the last time I watch the trees sway
i cannot stay
so i go inside
something has changed
my soul can no longer hide

outside – g.c.

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i feel an energy flood

my heart opens up

like a pristine lotus in the sunlight

amidst the season of fire

transforming

rising from the depths

higher

then returning to that peaceful place within

blooming

beyond the surface as i rise

i see my true identity

reflecting back to me

clarity

sprung from the earth

which i recognize its hum as the comfort of a mother

roots running deep

beyond this place

my spirit

unrecognizable by face

tethered by soul

floating so free

more vibrant than a water lily

 

divine connection – g.c.

 

 

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the only craving my body use to feel was in my stomach

the only part of me i knew was empty

i did not realize that the entirety of me was empty

now i feel my entire body

my entire being

and my body craves the movement i denied it of for so long

 

bed rest – g.c.

What’s Your Plan?

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I always feel the pressure from others to have a plan. “What’s the plan?”, they always ask. Well, I guess, the pressure is really my own belief that there needs to be a plan for life to run smoothly. If you look at the world and the beauty around you, it all changes so fast. There is no time for silly intricate plans in the naturally occurring world. What us humans forgot was that we are apart of that fast moving world and all of its beauty. We shouldn’t waste life, I, shouldn’t waste life, creating some big plan. The thing about plans is they are so sensitive to outer things. They’re unstable. They’re insecure and inflexible. The only thing you can control with a plan, is how you, individually, follow through with it. You can not control the people or events that interfere with your plan. Plans get destroyed. If you are going to create a plan, create it loosely, and expect that it may need to be adjusted, or that may be entirely messed up. Leave no time for getting angry, if it is messed with. Getting angry would be a waste. Decide what you’re going to do now. Choose your next move. You can’t undo the past, so you mine as well work with what you got. Do not give up, if your plan fails. Fail a million times over, until the end goal, the only necessarily intricate and detailed part of your plan, is met.