minds held captive to fear,
locks latched onto creativity,
held from a higher intelligence,
capitive to the illusion that they are free,
unable to fight for what they have never known,
what lays beyond walls built up,
they do not know,
ironically lost in their own prison,
they do not realize,
the skills required to build a wall are far more advanced than the tearing one down,
maybe illusion would stop fading reality,
if they were rid of the walls,
maybe they would not be lost,
if the walls were not blocking their vision,
if they could finally see the light,
blocked by the darkness of their lonely cells,
maybe they would finally be found,
and know freedom is found
see – g.c.
surrender is not weakness.
there is strength in surrender,
in letting go of resistance
acceptance is strength.
acceptance brings about real change.
let go – g.c.
you were seen as an enemy,
hate almost ended me.
realized that my “enemy” was the very one defending me,
understanding became our remedy
there was no need for an apology,
i gave forgiveness,
finally i was thinking logically
my head was clouded by monsters who fed on insecurity,
unease and displease created by monotony,
my soul hidden whilst in a dream,
hope was far so it would seem,
running on slippery habits like a hydraulic machine,
words conditioned to be mean,
truth of words unseen,
giving love had to wait,
when hate wanted to take,
when i saw hate could never be satisfied,
it became clear that love and truth would soon be at stake
it took one long fall from my view of grace,
for me to be driven to get back in the race,
love, light, truth finally given,
our conversations told me to start living
a brother, a teacher, a best friend,
you saved me,
but it was not all you,
it was my fight,
but you shed the light
we were empty,
now we’re close to full,
rid of habits that made life seem dull,
now we know love again
for you inspire me,
and I admire you,
more than i like to show,
i love you big brother more than you could ever know
a brother, a teacher, a best friend – g.c.
your mind may be strong,
but your heart is as soft and impressionable as sand,
and every so often an ocean crashes over you,
but just know,
its waves are ridding your heart of the footprints
of those who no longer deserve a place there,
walked all over you and away,
and only left you with the impression that there was something wrong with you
let the waves come – g.c
He pours a store bought frozen meal out of its tray, onto a clean plate. The plate isn’t necessary. It is there to remind him of a home cooked meal, to remind him of a time when someone thought of him enough to make him one, and he did not bare all the burdens. There was a time, when life was a little more than a microwaved meal. It was more than a moment’s rest on a worn couch, awaiting responsibility to call his name. There was a time, when he got kisses and laughter in return for his labor, when he got to delve into his imagination and pretend to be the wondrous tickle monster. The giggles his love stole are now stored away as distant memories. All that is remaining is the memory of a happier life, these memories, buried under the consumption of practicality, responsibility, and hopelessness. He was dragged into a cycle that seemingly begins from nowhere and awaits a seemingly unknowable uncontrollable end.
I, with wondering eyes, watch this creature of habit. My brain is entwined with maybes and whys, and I sense the end is the goal for far too many men.
“Hi, how are you?”
Good. What else would I be? What else would I say? You weren’t expecting me to tell you how I really felt? Were you?
When we must interact with strangers we ask questions with no meaning behind them and give brief conditioned answers. We never wonder. We never truly desire to understand the other person, because it is only a short interaction, right? There is no need to make anything of it, but you could have impacted that person’s day, if you knew how they really felt. They could have impacted yours, if they knew how you felt. You could have benefited from each other’s kindness.
I have started to develop a disliking for small talk and what is considered a “normal” interaction amongst strangers. I feel that what’s normal needs to change. Normal is a term used to describe a lot of different aspects of life. For example, living in a country, having borders, is normal. War is normal. Eating meat is normal. Going to college is normal. Getting a 9 to 5 is normal. Retirement and vacations are normal. Finding joy in materialistic things is normal. Looking up to and following celebrities, and the trends they set, is normal. Desire for money is normal. The concept of money is normal. Having a large circle of friends is normal. Saying, “Hi, how are you?” to strangers is normal. I could go on for days listing what we all agree upon is normal, but I think you get it.
Now, some people reading this may be thinking here goes this little hippie child about to tell me to save the earth, stop supporting my country in war, and to love everybody. Yeah, I guess that would be a normal person’s response. Too bad, I don’t care for what is normal.
I no longer wish to live a life seeking validation from others. That could never fulfill me. I can not rely on others to tell me my worth. I would eventually crumble, if I continued to hold the belief that I am only worthy, if I am liked by others. I can no longer live with the fear of not being understood. I do not see myself as completely separate from others. I no longer feel the right to have an opinion of another. My empathy has manifested and has become a controlling force in my life. It may lead some to believe that I am weak and easily taken advantage of, but I believe it will one day be my greatest strength.
We all have thoughts running through our minds all day long. Thoughts focused on, not loving, but being liked. We aren’t worried about making sure the other person feels loved. We are too caught up thinking about ourselves, but really not our well being. We can all relate to the fact that we all have insecurities. We don’t often realize this though, because we are too keen on our own, picking ourselves apart, as we compare ourselves to others, and what they present on the surface. Realization of the fact that we are alike, realization of the fact that we cling to belief systems and opinions for security, will lead us to surrender as our only option. We would then surrender our identification with these things and see us as alike, see us as one. Once you come across this realization and keep this in mind, while interacting with others, you will never want to cause harm to them, because you know, like you, there is depth to them, something going on inside of them, that is deciding all of their actions. Often though, what is inside is insecurity and uncertainty. This controls our actions, but it really shouldn’t. We should be so full on love, that is all we want to put out into the world.
Most everybody is lost. They don’t know themselves well enough. They have not a clue what gives meaning to their life. They don’t feel purpose. They do not spend time alone. They have never even thought of loving themselves. It’s strange that I did not know what self love was for the first sixteen years of my life, others have gone on longer. So, most people don’t love themselves or feel purpose, so they seek these things in the world outside of them, not realizing, it is all inside. They become followers. They follow beliefs of the Catholic church, Islam, or what/whomever. They follow the other good little girls and boys to college. They get a safe job like everybody else. They live simple and never search for meaning. They never create a bigger picture for themselves.
If we all just focused on personal growth and self love, if we all created a bigger picture, then we would know harmony and love. We would not know a forced “Hi, how are you?”. We would know genuine smiles and warm greetings. We would know truthful answers from strangers. We would know love amongst strangers. We would not know strangers. We would know human beings. We would know friends. We would know intimacy with all people. We would know cooperation. We would all know what it is to give and we would all receive.
Love is the new normal. Next time you ask someone how they are, mean it, or ask them something more meaningful, if you like. Whatever you do, don’t deprive a stranger of your kindness, just because you haven’t felt you have been shown any.
Give love. Receive love. Be love.
expectations ruin the little things
but the little things mean so much
when you don’t need them to be something more
you can not be spoken
you can not be solved
you are felt deeply
you can not be hidden on the surface
you can be seen so clearly
yet sometimes you are beyond what my eyes allow me to see
you are everywhere
yet hard to find
when i look outside of me
you are the twinkle in an eye
the breath that has been stolen by the stars
you are the warmth of gentle lips
the toes that dance in the sand
you are the finger that points to the clouds
the hand that pulls the curtain back to let the sun in
you are the loudest laughter
and the tiniest giggles
you are the tongue that meets the snowflake
the hips that sway to the music
you are infinite
you are a billion analogies
and a trillion possibilities
you are love
i am love
Okay. Before you read, it is going to seem a little harsh, but it was truly how I was feeling in that moment. I know there is good compassionate people in this world, it is just often masked by the large amount of hate, jealousy, and greed. Even those who possess these qualities are innately good, I believe.
I think for too long now, there has been a lack of knowledge. I also think there is a bit of a disconnect amongst humans and our true nature. We are the same at the core. Many will try to deny this, but there is evidence in those who have been brave enough to strip away their egos and bare the layers of their souls. This was written in a time of hopelessness and is far from how I feel today. Anyways, here is an old entry from my journal:
everywhere I go I see poisoned minds
there is no normalcy anymore
everything about the world and its people
it’s crazy and fucked up
it has made me physically sick
they are the disease of the world
what can I do?
how do you transform poison? – g.c.
So, like I said, harsh. I wrote it a couple months ago. I needed to write this down, to express what I was feeling, which was deep pain and hopelessness. I felt powerless and angry. The whole thing probably sounds dramatic, but honestly, I don’t think it is. That breaks my heart to even say.
I wrote this, because I was aggravated by the separation in our world. I was lost. I could not understand hate. I was uncertain of myself and my capability to help others. I had no confidence in myself, which was clearly reflected in my confidence in the world.
In my mind, peace seems easy. It is a simple idea. If each of us worked on ourselves and put our best effort forward, everything would be easier, we would know harmony. We would be one civilization with no borders, nothing owned, only shared. Who said the world was ours any how? What gives one human being more of a right to land than another? Most people would see me as a silly naive little girl for having this idea. I know, right now, it is not that simple. This picture represents only one event that is occurring in our world, where human beings are causing harm to one another. “What can I do?”, is a question I am sure many, like myself, ask. Certain humans are made to feel powerless in these situations, yet they continue to tell us that we have a voice and that we are free. I have come to realize I am not powerless. I no longer desire to let the circumstances of the outer world limit me and keep me stagnant. Everyday, I can make the choice to be loving and kind and to grow. I do not need to take out any discontent, that I may be feeling inside, out on the rest of the world. I control my happiness. Everyone controls their own happiness, but many do not realize this. So, I can choose to spread love to those who are lacking, to those who feel out of control.
A scared little girl wrote this journal entry. She no longer lives inside of me. I am not controlled by my fears. I am not controlled by other’s opinions. I struggle, but at the end of the day, I always choose love. Even when I let fear slip into my mind, when I allow hopelessness to take over, something inside of me is stronger now, due to the knowledge I have gained. I have complete trust in myself, that I will always get back up, even when my thoughts bring me to the verge of giving up. I have come to appreciate everything that I am and everything that I have. Gratitude helped me to fall far too much in love with this world to ever give up on it.