be aware of who you surround yourself with
just because they’re family does not mean they have your best interest at hand
if you use the word family to set high expectations
you are going to give them all the power to hurt you when you allow their actions to disappoint you
they themselves won’t know how much they have affected you
until you let them go
this is where you have patience
because if you wait
those who are meant to be in your life
won’t feel abandoned by you
rather they’ll follow you down the higher road
and thank you for lighting the way

 

family shouldn’t cost you love for yourself- g.c.

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i love the lonely nights

when i sit in spite of the clock

its tedious tick

has the characteristic of a gnawing itch

it is a mind game

i win

i make the rules

decide if i will be eluded

i’ve grown stronger now

my perception reaches beyond deception

the quiet night

quiet like myself

words floating closer to the surface

quickly I catch them

spoken

my views face discretion

i will never get them

so i am here on my own

thank god i no longer cling and know how to be alone

if they only knew gentleness

delicate enough to hold the truth

they’d be thrown

the world would spin around and head closer to home

the stars we’ve been shown

but fear kept us from knowing

the pain is showing

i psychoanalyze each and every encounter

i must deal with disguise but i won’t stop trying

because my hunger is not for a lies

try to offer and soothe

hoping the gentle and calm will bring about anxiety and hatred’s demise

those feelings harbor dark places for the ego to thrive

it’s time it was brushed off

for i can see it in their eyes

their shoulders are tired

it is difficult enough to put up the facade

to hold all this weight

dreams crushed instead of made

they can still be saved

i am still hopeful

the night is my rope still

i hold on to move on

forgiveness

i am mending

intertwined with the divine

grasp onto the line

let it lift you

high enough to see the light

then you’ll see just as i

even though the night is dark and lonely

everything is alright

you will be fine

 

stream of consciousness – g.c.

minds held captive to fear,

locks latched onto creativity,

held from a higher intelligence,

 

capitive to the illusion that they are free,

unable to fight for what they have never known,

 

what lays beyond walls built up,

they do not know,

ironically lost in their own prison,

they do not realize,

the skills required to build a wall are far more advanced than the tearing one down,

maybe illusion would stop fading reality,

if they were rid of the walls,

maybe they would not be lost,

if the walls were not blocking their vision,

if they could finally see the light,

blocked by the darkness of their lonely cells,

maybe they would finally be found,

and know freedom is found

 

see – g.c.

 

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if you have felt warmth from the sun,

felt the gentle handshake of the wind,

the caress of the skin,

you are not alone.

you can feel safe knowing the world,

like a mother,

will care for you,

its arms are always open.

run into them.

feel the world wrapped around you.

its love is infinite and always there.

it is up to you to feel it.

it is up to you to forgive.

control is yours.

you own your decisions.

you can decide to love and feel loved,

or you can close your eyes,

and hide the world’s beauty and love,

decide that the world has hurt you,

and that is all you will ever feel,

hurt.

so choose love.

love yourself.

do not hurt yourself.

 

love is the option you gain, when you surrender your security – g.c.

 

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you were seen as an enemy,

hate almost ended me.

realized that my “enemy” was the very one defending me,

understanding became our remedy

there was no need for an apology,

i gave forgiveness,

finally i was thinking logically

my head was clouded by monsters who fed on insecurity,

unease and displease created by monotony,

my soul hidden whilst in a dream,

hope was far so it would seem,

running on slippery habits like a hydraulic machine,

words conditioned to be mean,

truth of words unseen,

giving love had to wait,

when hate wanted to take,

when i saw hate could never be satisfied,

it became clear that love and truth would soon be at stake

it took one long fall from my view of grace,

for me to be driven to get back in the race,

love, light, truth finally given,

our conversations told me to start living

a brother, a teacher, a best friend,

you saved me,

true,

but it was not all you,

it was my fight,

but you shed the light

we were empty,

now we’re close to full,

rid of habits that made life seem dull,

now we know love again

thank you,

for you inspire me,

and I admire you,

more than i like to show,

i love you big brother more than you could ever know

 

a brother, a teacher, a best friend – g.c.

the future

the essence of all my fears

not even the past can amount to the future

not even the countless tears in my tattered heart

i fear what the past will bring to the future

to dissolve the illusory

to make art

that can calm an old yet restless heart

but the difficulty sometimes

i fight in my mind 

 

the future

feels so real

feel it breathing on your achilles heel

weakness creeps

you feel it twisting in your stomach

no,

not butterflies

so heavy it makes the rest of you feel light

small

your mind reeks of it

 

the future doesn’t give you something to hold onto

refuses your desire for strength

whispers to you that you have reached your peak

now you are on your way down

 

the future

the hand that shoves you down the mountain of all your hopes and dreams

pushing you away from the present moment

away from progress 

won’t allow you time to work on yourself

too distressed

completely and ironically obsessed with the future

thinking of the possibility that those dreams are all that they seem

a simple silly dream

 

the future wears you down to the bone

steals you with its slumber

not allowing you to see that it is but a dream

those seemingly catastrophic possibilities only occur in your restless mind

 

your aspirations could be thriving and becoming in the present

but the future has a grip that seemingly won’t slip

but i grabbed onto it

fed it power

maybe it’d be easier

to ease its grip

if i stopped holding onto it

after all i reached for the future

held its hand

nurtured that demon

my demon

the nightmare that is the future

the darkness shading the light that is the present

 

so i guess instead

when the present gets too heated

i will find my comfort and shade under the presence of a tree

not in my mind

or by allowing a dark illusory future to block out the beautiful truth that is the present 

 

the future – g.c.

 

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