A Brief Summary of My Journey with Spirituality, Art, & Reconnecting with My Soul

I used to wonder who I was going to be. I did not want to choose, but then I learned to fall in love with uncertainty. Before, I learned to tune out reality. Although it was protecting me from ugly truths, I was missing out on life’s lessons and losing touch with all the beautiful things that surrounded me. Now, that I am healing, certain smells that have always been there have become clearer and remind me of childhood. I can’t believe how disconnected from the world one can become. We hold our own little worlds and trick ourselves into believing this is safety, but this is the most self harming and dangerous thing of all. You are missing out on life.

Before I was held by the fear that if I tried new things I wouldn’t enjoy them, or I wouldn’t be very good at them. As children, we are not held by this fear. I would write story books, draw, paint, act, dance, sing and nobody told me I couldn’t. But when we grow up, we start to take things too seriously and adapt the belief that we have to be good at things for them to be fun. Who is even to say what qualifies as “good”? If it makes you happy, makes you feel passion,  excitement, or a deep inner peace, then that is all the qualification you need.  I began finding myself again once I began to shed some of this fear. Instead, I was excited to learn and try new things. Anything and everything around me could be of interest. After I finally stepped out of my little box, I finally saw the world had so much to offer. I wasn’t lacking, but was only looking for fulfillment in the wrong places. I thought to be whole and to live fully I needed gratification from others and material wealth. This was only an illusion. Living in this illusion was not fulfilling at all. It was draining. Finally, when I started to see the world for what it is, which is wondrous, crazy, fantastic, and exciting, I felt more. Allowing myself to feel the emotions I had pushed aside for so long was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I decided to reflect and release, not let them eat away at me. This is how I began writing again. Writing began to fill my soul, allowed me to connect with my inner child, and restore my curiosity. I became more willing to try things. I didn’t limit myself, so I would just begin doing things, such as yoga and painting. All these things that seem to make me feel whole just started to flow through. One day in my yard I just began to do yoga. Another day, I began to draw a scene I had seen driving home from seeing a loved one in the mental hospital. Another, I had begun painting skies and galaxies with watercolors. Everything fell into place, when I decided I wanted to get to know myself and no longer feared to know what I was capable of.

Below are some tools/practices that have helped me.

Helpful Affirmations to Maximize Productivity and Creativity:

I can utilize creative outlets without the temptation to compare and embody fear and doubt.

I am enough. All that I desire to put out into the world is already within me.

Books I Recommend:

The Untethered Soul By Michael Singer- “Energy doesn’t get old, it doesn’t get tired, and it doesn’t need food. What it needs is openness and receptivity.” “Nothing, ever, is worth closing your heart over”

Life Ahead By Krishnamurti

The Power of Now By Eckhart Tolle – “Love, joy, and peace are deep states of Being, or rather three aspects of the state of inner connectedness with Being. As such, they have no opposite. This is because they rise from beyond the mind. Emotions, on the other hand, being part of the dualistic mind, are subject to the law of opposites. This simply means that you cannot have good without bad.”

The Four Agreements By Miguel Ruiz

No Word for Time By Evan T. Pritchard

Essays and English Traits by Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

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Lucid Dreaming

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i feel each stage

my consciousness floats away

but my body remains

i feel the cold stillness of my body

i sink into the depths of my present reality

and journey to different planes

i come to the realization that a part of me is still awake

and i am in the presence of an unknown energy

a floating image somewhat familiar awakened me

still in the dream state

i fight to become fully aware and gain control of my body

disoriented at first

paralyzed by fear

because i have been here before

only it never lasted this long

i never had to fight this hard

i relax and remember to be present

i remember the impermanence of my reality

i move, wiggle

try to feel my breath

after several minutes

i am ready to give in and be swallowed by a dark presence

everything spins out of control

my heart beat quickens and the veil is lifted

my eyes open and i gasp

i never left

but what was once there is no longer

and i am in control

– g.c.

 

planetary pollution

a world filled with illusion

awakening means movement

sit still little girl

there is no room for improvement

just this path

hold in those tears

it is of a man to have rage and wrath

noises aren’t real fears

be grateful

it wasn’t you those fists hit

did you want them to?

hush

swallow the lumps

little girl your words are distasteful

stop hurting yourself

memories don’t fade like your cuts, bruises, and bumps

 

and to answer your question

yes

i want it to be me

maybe that way you’d learn to handle your aggression

it’s not that I wish to feel the warmth of welts forming

rather than to not hear your heavy feet storming

towards to door of someone else i love

i’m not begging for your fists to color my porcelain skin

but I’d rather they not smash into the wall again

i want to scream stop

as you bang your chest and the veins in your head throb

you’re hurting yourself

slipping away

farther

killing your daughter

because i do not want you

my beaten up father

i want the man who speaks softly

when he hears the footsteps of his daughter

the only time he is yelling is out of joy

as he plays the big scary monster and chases after his little boy

but then you took the game too far

when your life got repetitive my brother got the blame

the only thing he got from the chase was his very own rage

and with that came shame

so he drowns himself in liquor

because he is still a boy

he can’t survive like you do

swimming in those same old thoughts

day in and day out

for years i was blinded by my own anger

all i saw was a shell that rots

but now i know that you are not empty

the frustration and aching in your bones just make those wild fits tempting

but they don’t want to see you like that

but i know soon you’ll explode if you don’t get some release

you have yet to learn that pounding your fists is not how you breathe

i only hope you find your niche

some form of therapy

but do not give up

please

it is okay if you change

there is nothing to lose but only to gain

my love will not waver

mom is trying to grow

but do not cave for her

you do not need to shrink

if you make yourself any smaller

limit yourself farther

my heart will surely sink

it is all in your head

all in how you think

transform

the scars we will shed

let your soul be fed

nurture yourself

your kids are grown

we are strong enough on our own

we have hurt you too

so return the punch

one last hit

sweep the rug from under our feet

it is okay

i am familiar with the taste of defeat

but i know once i fall

i’ll be ready to fly

because i learned from you

at the end of the day

we all must try

so let us break then consolidate

let us redirect fate

i love you

that will always hold true

breathe

the day is new

 

my family will breathe – g.c.

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if ignorance is bliss
then why are the uneducated dealing with all these hardships
no one is really dumb
it’s just dependent on where you are coming from
there are those who hit and those who get bruises
being impressionable is just apart of being human
except some are left unscarred
but not untethered
a forward an reverse reaction
a need for attachment
relationships feeding off mental harassment
climb up the social ladder
see who gets their faster
accumulate accumulate
is this what makes the human race so great?

– g.c.

i’m too familiar with these memories and emotions

so i’ve kept trying to change them

but i can only create new ones

not replace them

but the new ones have come as a reminder

in time i’ll have to face fears

let go of the people and feelings of the past

and stand on my own

at the end of the day i am not without love

even if i am alone

 

move on – g.c.

Climate Change

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Earth’s climate is in a constant state of change. Day to day we witness the weather change, but rarely notice the long term changes of our climate that are taking place. The climate is what the weather is like overall in a certain area. Climate change can have different effects on the environment and the way we live. Some of these effects may be negative. Different factors affect how the climate changes. The most important factor to consider is the one we have the most control over, which is ourselves.

What may seem like simple choices that humans make can have very large consequences for the climate and environment. For example, it seems the obvious choice for transportation for most people is to drive a car, or ride the bus or a subway, rather than take the time to walk or ride a bike, however, it appears that this can contribute to climate change. It does so by releasing CO2, a greenhouse gas, into the air. Greenhouse gases in the atmosphere cause the earth to retain heat. An excess in greenhouse gases can cause the earth to trap too much heat, changing the climate to be too warm. However, this is not the only affect human’s have on the climate. Our diet has a large impact as well. Animal agriculture appears to be the leading cause of climate change:

  • Farm animals release methane gas, which is twenty times stronger than carbon dioxide at trapping methane gas in our atmosphere.
  • Animal agriculture accounts for 65% of nitrous oxide emissions which is three hundred times stronger than carbon dioxide at trapping heat in the atmosphere

 Humans can also alter the climate through deforestation and growing large amounts of crops for long periods of time. Without trees and other plants to absorb the CO2 in the atmosphere this leads to a concentration of greenhouse gases, shifting the climate to be warmer in that area. Connections have also been found between deforestation and drought, since clouds require moisture and forests store moisture that, when evaporated, aids in the formation of clouds.  Another deliberate human effect is solar radiation management, which is an attempt to “cool” the planet. Different methods are used to reflect sunlight and reduce the amount of C02 in the air. Some examples of this are using plastic polymers to pull gas from the air and stratospheric sulfate aerosols to reflect sunlight. These methods meant to aid in maintaining our planet’s climate seem to be taking a turn for the worst and creating more problems with the climate such as imploding arctic ice and methane eruptions.

It is not only due to humans that the climate changes. Earth’s climate has always shifted over the course of it’s lifetime. For example, it was once covered with ice. This is due to natural events that have taken place. An example of a natural event that could shift earth’s climate is a volcanic eruption. The dust and ash from these eruptions reflect solar radiation, which cools the earth. This also changes the land that surrounds where the eruption occurred including the soil and plant growth, which  also affects the climate of an area. Another common thing that affects climate is water vapor,  an abundant greenhouse gas, in the Earth’s atmosphere. Water vapor works with temperature basically in a cycle. An increase in temperature triggers an increase in water vapor, and when there is more water vapor the air in turn is warmer. When water vapor concentration increases, it condenses into clouds, which reflects solar radiation, helping to cool the planet. Water vapor and volcanic eruption are only a couple, amongst many, nonhuman factors that help shift climate. Both of these factors contribute to the cooling of the planet. It is important to have knowledge of earth’s ever-changing climate, because it is going to affect us in the long run.

To reduce the negative impacts of climate change, we may begin to create and drive more fuel efficient eco-friendly cars or seek other modes of transportation. We may also incorporate things into ours household that are eco-friendly, such as solar panels and fluorescent light bulbs. Industries can begin to use renewable energy sources such as wind energy. Another, more obvious but important way we can help earth’s climate is to recycle. Double checking to see what is recyclable and taking the extra time to do so can really help. But, something that is essential to preserving our environment and controlling the climate, is to change the way we view food and how we eat. It is important for us as well, so we may fully function and contribute to society to take care of ourselves. What we put into our bodies ultimately affects every aspect of our lives. This is our vessel for getting around and we must not take that for granted. We must not take our environment for granted as well. Lastly, we may petition and protest against geoengineering and deforestation, so that the planet may naturally resolve its issues, without human interference. Here is more on the corrupt science behind geoengineering programs: