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we are cradled in illusion,
sleeping within the comfort of the known,
but enlightenment asks us to wake and push beyond,
to ascend and become immersed in the infinite,
to become one.
you will not truly escape this world and feel what it is to live,
until you free yourself of the ideas of the inconceivable
and just know.
surrender to the serenity and let the infinite engulf you.
see that there is no death to you and this idea is what holds you here in misery,
it is what causes you to suffer,
but this life is not an ultimatum for your chance at heaven,
rather a chasm in the infinite.
you are ALL.
this time here is for realization, experience, creation,
for the ONE to divide just to feel the strength of reconnection.
humanity is the broken bond of cells,
which thrive together in homeostasis.
we create this world.
your life is powerful,
your presence,
your very being.
just realizing you create it all,
consciously or unconsciously,
you do,
so take back your power and live how you envision

– g.m.c

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even the slightest gesture that can be mistaken as a sign of disinterest,

when you are finally addressing your feelings,

sends you off the deep end

i throw my rope in,

but you tug the wrong way,

as you yell,

i realize you think you’re me taking me down with you,

but we are not through

our responsibility is due

these emotions can be dealt with

it’s important to ask for help with

to open up and get hurt

they’ll beat you down into the dirt

with criticism

but remember,

we’re still climbing

a few slips should be expected,

but lift your head up to change your perspective

you aren’t stuck on these emotions

they are holding you down temporarily,

so you can grow and be found

amongst a place where the right seeds grow,

without interference from disorderly coherence of a chaotic systemized world

you are not psychotic for wanting to see an end

something in you knows of a new beginning,

but these are not always found through winning,

so please taste defeat

let it fill your senses,

and bring you remembrances of the truth of the world

not all heroes stories can be told,

because their greatest actions were small not bold,

but they still had effect

the smallest smile can redirect all of fate,

so you’ll soon get a different taste

they call it glory,

but it takes many to make this story

it takes courage to be vulnerable,

and move past what is comfortable

include all people,

and once even the worst is seen as your equal,

you’ll realize that they and you are more than what meets the eye

after all this,

we’ve learned it is of human nature to defy,

as long as we are family i have the will to at least try,

so please take my hand and be my brother

our loving roots we will rediscover

 

resisting ourselves – g.m.c.

eating disorders

we send the deathly skinny to rehab before their heart beat slows and they get bradycardia.

why don’t we send the morbidly obese to rehab before a heart attack occurs?

neither are respecting or loving their bodies.

viewing themselves as one entity

not allowing themselves to feel value.

we don’t teach the people how to eat, connect with, and love their bodies,

so a disease of the mind is created,

an illusion,

a disconnection.

both are plagued.

they don’t know how to listen to their bodies.

they are not in tune,

and have become disconnected from that source of love.

yet,

so many just sit there and judge,

because they too feel the disconnect.

 

taking the time to understand,

changing our perception of society,

seeing ourselves as equal,

we can all begin to heal.

 

When I write about these things, I never aim to target or attack anyone, only state my thoughts. I love to know how people react, when they keep an open mind. I would love to hear everyone’s viewpoint, when I write post like this, so feel free to share your thoughts.

be aware of who you surround yourself with
just because they’re family does not mean they have your best interest at hand
if you use the word family to set high expectations
you are going to give them all the power to hurt you when you allow their actions to disappoint you
they themselves won’t know how much they have affected you
until you let them go
this is where you have patience
because if you wait
those who are meant to be in your life
won’t feel abandoned by you
rather they’ll follow you down the higher road
and thank you for lighting the way

 

family shouldn’t cost you love for yourself- g.c.

Healing..Again

Excuse my vulgarness in this next poem, but I can’t think of a more subtle analogy to get what I am feeling across.

These past few months a lot of well.. shit, complete and total shit, has happened.. and I haven’t dealt with this shit like how I once did..

I had already built the strength within me to withstand the negative circumstances that would inevitably pop up in my life. My mind had grown to be so beautiful, my perspective, just the way I processed the world around me. I could gain a natural high from the simplest of things, even looking at my own two hands I was in aw. I knew I had to deal with things, to reflect on what I felt, to learn from experience, and to not care or hold judgments. Then, before I knew it, there was too much chaos at once, and I collapsed. I let my hostile environment get the best of me. I was distracted by all the drama outside of me; I lost my sense of self and all of a sudden here I am picking myself back up, after three months, that felt like two weeks in one aspect and a whole year in another. Most memories, feelings, and faces they are hazy and swirled together, a mess I don’t even want to touch. Some are crystal clear, the nights that tore me apart, that made me want to end it all; they left me desolate. Those memories have been the greatest lessons, and surprisingly my source for gratitude.  I am grateful, because every time I face a challenge that ends with me having to heal myself, I mature. I become stronger and wiser, but first comes the pain..

My mind had been ripped apart by the ones I loved most, so I closed, decided to love less, not as deep. This only tore me from myself, who I truly am. My grasp, my connection was pulled even farther. There was a point, when I couldn’t even remember how in the heck I ever loved myself. I was desperate to know what self love was again, because I just felt like a hollow being wasting space. My whole existence was painful. It no longer felt like a blessing. It once did. I may have been in this low place, but something in me knew I couldn’t stay. I had made it out before. There was still a way. So, I said, one day at a time, then maybe I will know love again. I mean, if I was going to choose to stay on this earth, mine as well grow and find that source of bliss.. mine as well find myself, again. I did resent the fact that this felt like square one. I had already sewn together the pieces of me I lost in my years of anger and depression. At least, this time, I had some direction, and an idea as to how to heal. Now, slowly but surely, it is all coming together. Reflecting and remembering I now see where I was lost. I now feel my soul again. These trials and tribulations were necessary. They were not the end all be all. I am even stronger than the girl I had compared myself to in the beginning of this post. I have remembered I always have the option to change,  start over, and to love, again, even if it feels unfamiliar at first. It is all residing within me, I just have to muster the strength to be patient, as the light finds its way out of the dark prison I confined it within.

now, for my ostentatious and explicit thoughts..

 

my mind has been fucked

satan took his dick and screwed out all the beautiful angels that had been living in my pretty little innocent mind

now,

i have to lock the pretty thoughts away,

because dare i encounter another man with rage

he will just take them and piss on them,

and act like i am too naive to have anything worthy saying

 

i feel like a caged bird

i know that sounds cliche

but this is thin ice,

and it’s already started to break

the fragments of me will stay afloat,

but the whole raw parts of my being are sinking,

because they feel so heavy to carry in the kind of world we live in

but it’s like,..

i just know there is solid ground somewhere

the question is can i keep myself above the water before i get there

the knowing will never go away

if i just gave into the impulses,

and became consumed by the standards,

or rather crushed by them,

either way,

i would always know that i am not being authentic

that i am a fake,

because i just don’t fit into this world

how can they ask me to be real,

but to also follow along and do the same..?

 

– screwed by the voices outside then inside me

 

less problem solving, more soul searching

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cling onto the night

for when day comes you must see and face everything

the secrets kept

problems created

at night it is safe for them to be forgotten

our problems tucked safely in our back pockets

guide us through the day

lost without them

incapable of knowing a bright day

without  problems for shade

a world without worry

isn’t even conceivable

if we did ever know such a thing

then we might remember we don’t know anything

nothing is certain

our problems

our world

are not as big as we thought they were

believing that no matter what we try

the life we fantasize will never be tangible

creating problem after problem

attempting to fix something that doesn’t need to be fixed

trying to understand something that doesn’t need to be understood

seeking solutions

to peacefully come to a resolution

we have been trying to fix, understand, change perfection

a rhythmic flowing universe

where change is the only constant

creating problems to give reason to our existence

unaccepting to what is

craving explanation

readily we go blind

denying the truth

that we aren’t as big as we thought we are

neither are our problems

we are far beyond what the mind can conceive

look at the palm of your hand and feel there is nothing more real than you and i

far beyond a body or a mind

and far beyond the problems we constantly seek

 – g.c.

 

my heart dances

from the slightest resemblance of passion

the smallest acts of kindness

and littlest notion of love

 

i have a new rhythm

and i feel invincible

 

– g.c.

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my judgment has shapeshifted into wonder and awe

hateful ignorant emotions

replaced with love, compassion, and empathy

i forgave the scrutinized

and the scrutiny

once due apologies had been graced

judgment vanished

 

forgiveness gave me peace

peace gave me love

 

forgiveness, a remedy – g.c.