complete utter bliss and happiness felt for every aspect of life,

my life is not too grand to the majority,

but my life will grow,

still though,

i’ll remember that happiness does not depend upon  if things are just so

 

where happiness comes from – g.c.

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places for negative thoughts to be harbored are etched into our minds,

space for the past and all its taunting mistakes to be held

and all our hopes for the future to be kept.

where uncertainty conquers all desire,

and where presence remains absent.

here,

sanity is lost.

when a moment comes that you are full and content,

see that there is no shelter or safety in this place.

though it may feel that way,

it is only the confinements manifested by negative thoughts.

it may feel as if it is where you’re meant to be,

where you may be drawn into your vices,

safe for excuses to be born.

it is not where you are meant to be.

you’ll remember,

once you leave this harbor tethering you to pity and self doubt,

venture out into open waters,

let yourself sink deep within the depths of your soul,

find a new home within the present,

carrying with you the lightness of an open heart and an open mind within a moment.

surrender: liberation – g.c.

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the wind sweeps over you
taking your worries with you
whispering to you
that your troubles have no reason to remain
the sun kisses your skin
healing all that is within
the high you feel
just to breathe in something so real
so authentic
nothing can replace it
the joy of being
all that i am seeing
is being
stillness
movement
life
the quiet and simple noises
take away the shouting voices
until responsibility calls me away
the beauty leaves me with nothing to say
just asking me to lie with it all day
be apart of the universe
there is nothing worse
than to get caught up in the cycle of doing
forgetting the beauty of the moment
but here in this place
happiness is not far from your reach
lying here so long the sun has turned me peach
it feels as if i’ll never leave
but when I do
an inner peace will be taken too
and for the last time I watch the trees sway
i cannot stay
so i go inside
something has changed
my soul can no longer hide

outside – g.c.

Be The Mean Girl

As a little girl, I thought it was important to be the mean girl, that everyone loved yet hated. Do not let anyone fuck with you; have others follow you. The thing is, I was the shy girl and I fell in line with all the other followers. Lucky for me, I befriended the mean girl. I  made a good side kick. I was a good listener. I’d do anything just to keep a good reputation.

I did not learn this from my family, nobody at home taught me this. I learned this from my own experiences at school, dance, cheerleading, any competitive setting. I can pinpoint the moment in my life I adopted this belief that it was better to be mean. I had walked into a new dance class and this girl gave me a sour look, not just me though. She kept that look the entire class. Maybe, her goal was to make the impression that nobody was to mess with her, only look up to her. She gave the kind of look that made those around her look small. There was something about her stern face that gave others the sense she was confident. The first class, and already I could sense this feeling of hierarchy in the class. There was not only a competitiveness within the actually dancing, but within popularity and likeableness. So, I decided to learn this mean face, that would establish boundaries. No one would step on my toes. I brought this sour look with me to school, where I found I could hang around with the mean girls. I learned in school that life was a competition and do not let anybody fuck with you. The thing about establishing boundaries is you create a comfort zone within those boundaries. You don’t associate with people who do things differently, talk about different things, look different. You lack experience. Looking at anyone who was different ad beneath me was just a hindrance to my own personal growth. I feel because of this belief, I did not know what is good in life, what is really good. My mind was closed off and so was I, to anything new. I do not hold regret, although I know I may have missed many learning oppurtunities. I am not upset with the ignorance I had as a child in elementary school.

I was friends with my friends for status. I forgot what it was to have bonds, or actual relationships with people. All I cared about was friends. I shut out family. I had been completely brainwashed into believing that my only job was to somehow be better than the next girl. I wanted to be the greatest in some way, but I wasn’t trying to be the greatest version of myself; I was trying to be something I could never be, which is perfect. I had completely lost my sense of self. I had no individuality. I realized this as I got older, and at first, I thought I was no one, I lacked purpose, and had nothing to give. I did have something to give and that was love. I lost the competitive edge. I could do anything, be anything. It did not matter how good I was at it compared to the next person. All I had to do, was give time to myself and learn to be alone.

From learning to be alone, I came to know happiness and peace without praise from another. My advice; don’t do what every other girl is doing. You and how you impact others is what’s important. Do not be the best for others; be your best. If you don’t know what your best is, find out, define your best, and let that definition grow.

World Hunger. Why?

There is a sufficient amount of resources, given to us by the earth, to feed this whole planet. Do you ever wonder why, when you see commercials of emaciated dirty children with sullen faces, their eyes begging for compassion, how the fuck did this happen? Why is any child’s stomach empty?  Those kind originizations that are asking you to donate, where did they get the money to have a commercial? These commercials make your heart drop to your stomach. They hurt, but only for moments after watching them, because soon you’ll be back to your regular program, tuned into the T.V., tuned out from the world.

Most people think they can only do so much, and truthfully we know donating a dollar to some organization is not going to make a big impact. Money can not fix our problems. Money is limited. Our problems seem to be limitless.”There simply is no way to ease poverty with charity. For one, charitable contributions in 2011 were only about $300 billion, far below the $707 billion that the government spends on income security and healthcare for the poor. Given the relative weakness of the U.S. safety net already, one funded entirely on charity would be abysmal. And $300 billion is all charitable donations; many donations aren’t aimed at helping the poor, but instead religious or cultural endeavors“(Bargain for billionaires: Why philanthropy is more about P.R. than progress).

This race has gone into outer space. We have brought nuclear bombs into existence, that could destroy the very earth we inhabit, yet we can’t defeat world hunger, which we too, brought into existence. This problem did not appear one day. This problem is due to separation, discrimination, selfishness, and ignorance. This problem is due to currency and desire for control, power, dominance, and wealth. We can all be wealthy and all live abundantly. It is not some fantasy. This can resist in reality. I truly believe that.

So, what caused this problem to come into existence. Where did it come from? Here is what I know. Remember, I am a teenager not an expert. None of this research and data is my own. You can do your own research, if for some reason you have your doubts.

I’ll just skip straight to the solution, before explaining the causes of this problem, and why this is the solution. This sentence may sound bold, but the solution to world hunger is to give land back to and protect small farmers. The other part of the solution: cutting industrial meat and dairy/way less meat and dairy consumption. Oh boy, here goes this vegan. (Don’t worry. I am not about to go off on a tangent and shame you for how you eat.)

Most of the world’s farms are owned by small farmers. They are the major food producers. So, why do they need more of it, and why do they need protection? Although the majority of farms are small, they are regulated to little of the earth’s farmland, while the few big industrial farms get to take the rest. This is due to the issue of corporate land grabbing. It also doesn’t help that the IMF bombs small farms in rural areas, where people are already poor and have little food. Yet, they say the IMF is supposed to help poor countries stabilize their economies. Destroying their food and means of money does not sound very efficient. Let us go back to corporate land grabbing. Small farmers are being forced from their land. Refusal to leave is met with being jailed or killed. Corporate powers are pushing farmers from their land into cities and camps, all to expand upon their wealth and power. It is important for the cause of world hunger, that corporate land grabbing is prevented, and it is important for small farmers to expand upon their land and be more included in the market. Small farms are more efficient and sustainable:”The report stresses the two main ways to link small-scale farmers to the market are to provide better access to credit and insurance, and to strengthen the links between farmers and buyers. The report discusses the fact that, in many countries, transportation is too costly, infrastructure is inadequate, and the cost of storage is too high. Small-scale farmers are unlikely to risk producing a surplus of products if they think that their products would go to waste”(Ulrich). This alone will not help world hunger. In conjunction, it is also important that we take a second look at how we use that farmland. Many times, farmland is not used efficiently and it is not utilized to its maximum potential, because it is quickly destroyed by animal agriculture.

What we chose to eat determines the use of resources, the pricing of food, and the making of policies on a global sale. The demand for meat and dairy in developed countries leads to resource exhaustion in underdeveloped countries, increasing the rates of poverty and hunger. There is enough grain grown to feed two times as many people on earth. No one should go hungry, but half of this grain is fed to animals in the meat and dairy industry, so they do. Poor families labor away harvesting grain that they themselves will eat none of. Animal agriculture is destroying good soil and destroying our environment. A great example of the effects of animal agriculture on world hunger is Ethiopia: “More than 40 percent of Ethiopians are considered hungry or starving, and fresh water there is scarce. Yet they have 50 million cattle (one of the largest herds in the world), as well as 50 million sheep and goats and 35 million chickens, needlessly consuming their food, land, and water”(Oppenlander).

As the population grows, world hunger becomes more and more of a concern, but really it should be our biggest concern, even if it were only one family on this planet that did not have enough to eat. It is only when we see the actual footage of emaciated children, that we feel our true nature of compassion and our desire to love and nurture one another. There is no hate, when you actually see the results of something as chilling as malnutrition and hunger. It is of the utmost importance that we apply this empathy to all situations and encounters, even when someone is treating you unkindly, show them compassion. Many unkind actions stem from a lack of love or some discomfort that that person is experiencing in their life. You do not have to necessarily feel sorry for them, but you do not have to add to the situation or receive their discontentment they are putting out. “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours”(Wayne Dyer). It is especially important in these moments to remember that we all have said unkind things due to our own frustration within our personal lives. It is difficult, but not impossible, to feel and show love, when you are frustrated and it seems you, yourself, are not receiving love.

For a problem this big and this globally spread, knowing the causes and educating others of the causes, you can take action in your daily life. Working in an effort together is our best chance. Unity, not more destruction, arguments, power moves, or displays of dominance, will solve these kinds of problems. What we really need is a global shift in perception. Too many look at the world in parts. Too many see separation and difference. It may be silly to say, but we are all different, yet the same at the very core. Relinquish the patterns of your minds thoughts and the beliefs you fell into as you grew up, then you will see that diversity is such a beautiful thing. We all desire love, passion, purpose, and a sense of peace and knowing. You can find peace in knowing, that you aren’t alone when life leaves you confused, lost, and everything seems a little chaotic. We all feel pain. It is so easy for us to manipulate and appear one way to others on the surface and it is so easy to be manipulated by others and never search for something deeper. Dig deep and find your empathy. Really be grateful everyday, because whatever challenge you are facing right now will come to an end. Your compassion and love does not have to end, however.

Sources:

https://borgenproject.org/importance-of-small-scale-farmers/

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/10/bargain_for_billionaires_why_philanthropy_is_more_about_p_r_than_progress/

https://www.forksoverknives.com/animal-agriculture-hunger-and-how-to-feed-a-growing-global-population-part-one-of-two/

https://www.grain.org

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winter,

i must learn to love you,

for i do not know how

 

you take away the day,

make my bones shiver,

then constrict my body in so many layers of clothing, 

that i lack the freedom of movement

 

you keep me hidden inside,

under covers

 

you steal the ability for my feet to dance across the bare primitive earth,

for two old souls to say hello 

 

but,

winter,

i must say,

on the rare occasion that i do say hello to you,

i am in awe of your beauty and wish to meet again

 

winter,

when i was a child,

we used to meet so often in the layers of the pristine white blanket that you lay,

you’d nourish my soul,

when you’d land on my begging tongue,

watching pearly flakes melt from their crystal shapes

 

now,

i hide from the colorless confetti,

because i have lost my taste,

and only crave warmth

 

wishy washy – g.c.

 

 

how do you transform poison

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Okay. Before you read, it is going to seem a little harsh, but it was truly how I was feeling in that moment. I know there is good compassionate people in this world, it is just often masked by the large amount of hate, jealousy, and greed. Even those who possess these qualities are innately good, I believe.

I think for too long now, there has been a lack of knowledge. I also think there is a bit of a disconnect amongst humans and our true nature. We are the same at the core. Many will try to deny this, but there is evidence in those who have been brave enough to strip away their egos and bare the layers of their souls. This was written in a time of hopelessness and is far from how I feel today. Anyways, here is an old entry from my journal:

everywhere I go I see poisoned minds

there is no normalcy anymore

everything about the world and its people

it’s crazy and fucked up

it has made me physically sick

this evil

these ideas

they are the disease of the world

what can I do?

 

how do you transform poison? – g.c.

 

So, like I said, harsh. I wrote it a couple months ago. I needed to write this down, to express what I was feeling, which was deep pain and hopelessness. I felt powerless and angry. The whole thing probably sounds dramatic, but honestly, I don’t think it is. That breaks my heart to even say.

I wrote this, because I was aggravated by the separation in our world. I was lost. I could not understand hate. I was uncertain of myself and my capability to help others. I had no confidence in myself, which was clearly reflected in my confidence in the world.

In my mind, peace seems easy. It is a simple idea. If each of us worked on ourselves and put our best effort forward, everything would be easier, we would know harmony. We would be one civilization with no borders, nothing owned, only shared. Who said the world was ours any how? What gives one human being more of a right to land than another? Most people would see me as a silly naive little girl for having this idea. I know, right now, it is not that simple. This picture represents only one event that is occurring in our world, where human beings are causing harm to one another. “What can I do?”, is a question I am sure many, like myself, ask. Certain humans are made to feel powerless in these situations, yet they continue to tell us that we have a voice and that we are free. I have come to realize I am not powerless. I no longer desire to let the circumstances of the outer world limit me and keep me stagnant. Everyday, I can make the choice to be loving and kind and to grow. I do not need to take out any discontent, that I may be feeling inside, out on the rest of the world. I control my happiness. Everyone controls their own happiness, but many do not realize this. So, I can choose to spread love to those who are lacking, to those who feel out of control.

A scared little girl wrote this journal entry. She no longer lives inside of me. I am not controlled by my fears. I am not controlled by other’s opinions. I struggle, but at the end of the day, I always choose love. Even when I let fear slip into my mind, when I allow hopelessness to take over, something inside of me is stronger now, due to the knowledge I have gained. I have complete trust in myself, that I will always get back up, even when my thoughts bring me to the verge of giving up. I have come to appreciate everything that I am and everything that I have. Gratitude helped me to fall far too much in love with this world to ever give up on it.