A Brief Summary of My Journey with Spirituality, Art, & Reconnecting with My Soul

I used to wonder who I was going to be. I did not want to choose, but then I learned to fall in love with uncertainty. Before, I learned to tune out reality. Although it was protecting me from ugly truths, I was missing out on life’s lessons and losing touch with all the beautiful things that surrounded me. Now, that I am healing, certain smells that have always been there have become clearer and remind me of childhood. I can’t believe how disconnected from the world one can become. We hold our own little worlds and trick ourselves into believing this is safety, but this is the most self harming and dangerous thing of all. You are missing out on life.

Before I was held by the fear that if I tried new things I wouldn’t enjoy them, or I wouldn’t be very good at them. As children, we are not held by this fear. I would write story books, draw, paint, act, dance, sing and nobody told me I couldn’t. But when we grow up, we start to take things too seriously and adapt the belief that we have to be good at things for them to be fun. Who is even to say what qualifies as “good”? If it makes you happy, makes you feel passion,  excitement, or a deep inner peace, then that is all the qualification you need.  I began finding myself again once I began to shed some of this fear. Instead, I was excited to learn and try new things. Anything and everything around me could be of interest. After I finally stepped out of my little box, I finally saw the world had so much to offer. I wasn’t lacking, but was only looking for fulfillment in the wrong places. I thought to be whole and to live fully I needed gratification from others and material wealth. This was only an illusion. Living in this illusion was not fulfilling at all. It was draining. Finally, when I started to see the world for what it is, which is wondrous, crazy, fantastic, and exciting, I felt more. Allowing myself to feel the emotions I had pushed aside for so long was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I decided to reflect and release, not let them eat away at me. This is how I began writing again. Writing began to fill my soul, allowed me to connect with my inner child, and restore my curiosity. I became more willing to try things. I didn’t limit myself, so I would just begin doing things, such as yoga and painting. All these things that seem to make me feel whole just started to flow through. One day in my yard I just began to do yoga. Another day, I began to draw a scene I had seen driving home from seeing a loved one in the mental hospital. Another, I had begun painting skies and galaxies with watercolors. Everything fell into place, when I decided I wanted to get to know myself and no longer feared to know what I was capable of.

Below are some tools/practices that have helped me.

Helpful Affirmations to Maximize Productivity and Creativity:

I can utilize creative outlets without the temptation to compare and embody fear and doubt.

I am enough. All that I desire to put out into the world is already within me.

Books I Recommend:

The Untethered Soul By Michael Singer- “Energy doesn’t get old, it doesn’t get tired, and it doesn’t need food. What it needs is openness and receptivity.” “Nothing, ever, is worth closing your heart over”

Life Ahead By Krishnamurti

The Power of Now By Eckhart Tolle – “Love, joy, and peace are deep states of Being, or rather three aspects of the state of inner connectedness with Being. As such, they have no opposite. This is because they rise from beyond the mind. Emotions, on the other hand, being part of the dualistic mind, are subject to the law of opposites. This simply means that you cannot have good without bad.”

The Four Agreements By Miguel Ruiz

No Word for Time By Evan T. Pritchard

Essays and English Traits by Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

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School Sucks

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It feels like school was created to take time away, make your life move so quickly. You can’t catch your breath. There is always something to be preparing for, all this planning, nothing in the moment. You follow procedure. Nothing that interests students is added to the curriculum. There is no time for that. It is always on to the next thing, figuring out how to arrive to a certain point. You need to get to this certain point. It is never, okay, we are growing, learning, improving, and finding ourselves.

 School is labeling, separating, and categorizing. You’re not smart enough for this. You are able to do this, so you have to do it. This is what you can do, and I am telling you kid; you can’t do that. It limits you, helps you create an illusive image of yourself, creates a space between your head and your heart. They take away the tools to build a bridge between that space, to be able to connect the two, to be able find your true self. They take away your creativity and program you to analyze, to retain information, but only the information they feel comfortable giving. They teach you to swallow the lies they feed you, but not to digest them, to break them down. Never question them.

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein

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The thing is I do want to learn. I crave knowledge. I want my mind to grow a whole garden of beautiful thoughts and ideas. I don’t want enough information to get through life just fine; I want to thrive. I want a school that allows freedom and expression. I want a school that shows you all the beautiful things in this universe. I want a school that teaches that you can expand upon all that beauty, instead of them teaching you to fight this world’s problems that have been handed to you with more problems. I want to be encouraged to create a solution to world hunger not to an algebraic equation, that once solved makes no difference to anyone’s life. I want teachers who care to nurture my mind as I grow and not try to stuff it to the brim with information. I want to see the world through my own eyes. I don’t want to be told what another country is like. I can’t be expected to accept that this country is the best to live in, when I have never lived in another.

I want a school that’s about gaining your own unique experiences. I want a school about unity. I don’t hate the idea of school. I’ve grown to love the idea, actually. To be honest, what I love is my idea of how school should be, not how school is right now. Someday though, school is going to be an amazing and wonderful thing that kids get excited about. Someday, school won’t be the bane of kid’s existence. It will not be something to dread. School will make kids feel purpose; it will make them happy to be filled to the brim with beautiful knowledge…yeah, someday

“Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you’ve got any guts. Some of you like Pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read.” -Frank Zappa