i’m too familiar with these memories and emotions

so i’ve kept trying to change them

but i can only create new ones

not replace them

but the new ones have come as a reminder

in time i’ll have to face fears

let go of the people and feelings of the past

and stand on my own

at the end of the day i am not without love

even if i am alone

 

move on – g.c.

Advertisements

i see people who have never lived their truth

envy the youth

draw a line to divide those who have lived longer

but still wander

they are not fine

or wise

they have just grown tired                                                  of being naive

                              so to satisfy displease

they pretend that they know

this is wrong                                             that is right

do not fight

what they say

not only lies but consequences too have been made

punished for finding your truth

while you are still considered to be in your youth

you know yourself all too well                                                                too soon

its good to be lost

                    have to follow a boss

veer away from the line

don’t dare cross

thats what they say

but the fire in your belly put you here today

to stand up

not obey

and proudly say

that i am who i am

and i don’t give a damn

fuck the perfect plan

i’ll draw my path

won’t fear your wrath

i have my own

i’ll never be without a home

i’ll follow my soul

and will never be told

to sit down

or that faith can’t be found

it is all within

my story will begin

and i’ll have real tales

of wisdom

     for children who listen

                           to not just me

but stay curious                                                                      and search for more than they see

 

 

old souls in a new world – g.c.

 

IMG_7320.JPG

these things

thoughts

they are some poor soul’s reality

just the thought

turns your body cold

and makes your soul weep

you know it is not necessary

you know it is because of another

who thought they deserved control

control over others

control over the world

as if the universe were their very own creation

their’s to own

so they own its people, land, and everything in between,

but it’s not theirs’

it’s ours

so wipe the tears

because to them

that just confirms our fears

now

rise

do not rest

until every human can live blessed

 

cry for the world then rise for it – g.c.

minds held captive to fear,

locks latched onto creativity,

held from a higher intelligence,

 

capitive to the illusion that they are free,

unable to fight for what they have never known,

 

what lays beyond walls built up,

they do not know,

ironically lost in their own prison,

they do not realize,

the skills required to build a wall are far more advanced than the tearing one down,

maybe illusion would stop fading reality,

if they were rid of the walls,

maybe they would not be lost,

if the walls were not blocking their vision,

if they could finally see the light,

blocked by the darkness of their lonely cells,

maybe they would finally be found,

and know freedom is found

 

see – g.c.

 

Deep Rest

33273434431_d336a11390_o.jpg

The worst period of my life began right around the time I was getting ready to go into high school, so when I was in 8th grade. And, it continued up until the end of my sophomore year.

When you get into 8th grade, this is the time you start to worry about your future. This is the part of life where shit gets real. Let’s say I did not handle that too well. I began to overthink and form negative thinking patterns (I got anxiety, and I got it bad). My mom always called me a worry wart, but I think the amount of anxiety I was getting in 8th grade even made her worry. I began to think that I had reached my peak and that it was all downhill from there. Well, my life did start to go downhill, hence the picture of the rollercoaster. Yeah, I was at that point in my life at the age of fourteen. Good news is, and I didn’t realize this at the time, that after you reach the bottom you go back up to the top, and then you might come down again, but that is just the way life goes, for a while. Eventually though, you will be able to get off the rollercoaster and become grounded. The ride ends, once you realize you are in control. Well, you will still have those highs and lows. They give life balance. Maybe not everything in your life will be in your control, but at least you’ll have control of your mind and be rid of the constant cycle of self sabotaging thoughts and depression.

There is nothing wrong with the choices my parents made, but looking at their lives scared the shit out of me. There was no way I would ever be satisfied continuing on the stressful path of going to school, getting a degree, choosing a career, sticking with it, finding a husband, and raising children to live the same kind of life. I wasn’t certain of what I wanted and felt I lacked purpose. I did not just want to fit in. A part of me knew life had more meaning. Life could be more than this. It should be more. This cycle of living simply and secure had to end. Good thing I had an older brother who deviated from literally everything that was considered normal.When I was only fourteen, his refusal to conform was truly shocking to me. I looked down on him for it, honestly. But, he was two years older. I didn’t understand, yet.

I was trying to figure out who I was, which is hard, when everything you do is to fit in and gain popularity. I had no idea of what I wanted to become. I feared what would happen if I didn’t get into a good college.I feared mediocrity. I hated the idea of going to college to be more stressed and getting a 9 to 5 job to be even more stressed.

At this time, I also had family issues that I avoided. One of the most important bonds I have now is with my brother, but at this time he was my enemy. There was a lot of chaos and basically, I  couldn’t handle it.  So I drowned it all out and “went to sleep” or “shut off”, whatever you want to call it. I was depressed. “Sick” was the term I liked to use. I never felt good enough to go to school. Either my head or my stomach was always bothering me. My family liked to say that I was sick as well, but I don’t think any of them truly believed it.  But, it’s better than admitting someone is lost and empty, and you don’t know how to fix them. The only person that could fix me was me, and I did, kind of. There will always be room for improvement, but I love the idea that I am constantly growing, changing, learning. There is always some way I can live my life better today, than the way I lived it yesterday.

I still have my days. I occasionally fall into negative thinking patterns, but instead of resisting this aspect of myself, I accept it. I am human. I feel. One thing I learned coming out from that period of my life was that it is important to let yourself feel. Feelings are there for a reason. They tell you about who you are, what you need, and what you desire. They give life purpose. Our emotions are an important source of inspiration. They connect us to our creativity and connect us to one another. We should be encouraged to express our emotions freely, not suppress them to the point where we don’t feel, we don’t desire, and there is no emotion to ignite a passion for life.

World Hunger. Why?

There is a sufficient amount of resources, given to us by the earth, to feed this whole planet. Do you ever wonder why, when you see commercials of emaciated dirty children with sullen faces, their eyes begging for compassion, how the fuck did this happen? Why is any child’s stomach empty?  Those kind originizations that are asking you to donate, where did they get the money to have a commercial? These commercials make your heart drop to your stomach. They hurt, but only for moments after watching them, because soon you’ll be back to your regular program, tuned into the T.V., tuned out from the world.

Most people think they can only do so much, and truthfully we know donating a dollar to some organization is not going to make a big impact. Money can not fix our problems. Money is limited. Our problems seem to be limitless.”There simply is no way to ease poverty with charity. For one, charitable contributions in 2011 were only about $300 billion, far below the $707 billion that the government spends on income security and healthcare for the poor. Given the relative weakness of the U.S. safety net already, one funded entirely on charity would be abysmal. And $300 billion is all charitable donations; many donations aren’t aimed at helping the poor, but instead religious or cultural endeavors“(Bargain for billionaires: Why philanthropy is more about P.R. than progress).

This race has gone into outer space. We have brought nuclear bombs into existence, that could destroy the very earth we inhabit, yet we can’t defeat world hunger, which we too, brought into existence. This problem did not appear one day. This problem is due to separation, discrimination, selfishness, and ignorance. This problem is due to currency and desire for control, power, dominance, and wealth. We can all be wealthy and all live abundantly. It is not some fantasy. This can resist in reality. I truly believe that.

So, what caused this problem to come into existence. Where did it come from? Here is what I know. Remember, I am a teenager not an expert. None of this research and data is my own. You can do your own research, if for some reason you have your doubts.

I’ll just skip straight to the solution, before explaining the causes of this problem, and why this is the solution. This sentence may sound bold, but the solution to world hunger is to give land back to and protect small farmers. The other part of the solution: cutting industrial meat and dairy/way less meat and dairy consumption. Oh boy, here goes this vegan. (Don’t worry. I am not about to go off on a tangent and shame you for how you eat.)

Most of the world’s farms are owned by small farmers. They are the major food producers. So, why do they need more of it, and why do they need protection? Although the majority of farms are small, they are regulated to little of the earth’s farmland, while the few big industrial farms get to take the rest. This is due to the issue of corporate land grabbing. It also doesn’t help that the IMF bombs small farms in rural areas, where people are already poor and have little food. Yet, they say the IMF is supposed to help poor countries stabilize their economies. Destroying their food and means of money does not sound very efficient. Let us go back to corporate land grabbing. Small farmers are being forced from their land. Refusal to leave is met with being jailed or killed. Corporate powers are pushing farmers from their land into cities and camps, all to expand upon their wealth and power. It is important for the cause of world hunger, that corporate land grabbing is prevented, and it is important for small farmers to expand upon their land and be more included in the market. Small farms are more efficient and sustainable:”The report stresses the two main ways to link small-scale farmers to the market are to provide better access to credit and insurance, and to strengthen the links between farmers and buyers. The report discusses the fact that, in many countries, transportation is too costly, infrastructure is inadequate, and the cost of storage is too high. Small-scale farmers are unlikely to risk producing a surplus of products if they think that their products would go to waste”(Ulrich). This alone will not help world hunger. In conjunction, it is also important that we take a second look at how we use that farmland. Many times, farmland is not used efficiently and it is not utilized to its maximum potential, because it is quickly destroyed by animal agriculture.

What we chose to eat determines the use of resources, the pricing of food, and the making of policies on a global sale. The demand for meat and dairy in developed countries leads to resource exhaustion in underdeveloped countries, increasing the rates of poverty and hunger. There is enough grain grown to feed two times as many people on earth. No one should go hungry, but half of this grain is fed to animals in the meat and dairy industry, so they do. Poor families labor away harvesting grain that they themselves will eat none of. Animal agriculture is destroying good soil and destroying our environment. A great example of the effects of animal agriculture on world hunger is Ethiopia: “More than 40 percent of Ethiopians are considered hungry or starving, and fresh water there is scarce. Yet they have 50 million cattle (one of the largest herds in the world), as well as 50 million sheep and goats and 35 million chickens, needlessly consuming their food, land, and water”(Oppenlander).

As the population grows, world hunger becomes more and more of a concern, but really it should be our biggest concern, even if it were only one family on this planet that did not have enough to eat. It is only when we see the actual footage of emaciated children, that we feel our true nature of compassion and our desire to love and nurture one another. There is no hate, when you actually see the results of something as chilling as malnutrition and hunger. It is of the utmost importance that we apply this empathy to all situations and encounters, even when someone is treating you unkindly, show them compassion. Many unkind actions stem from a lack of love or some discomfort that that person is experiencing in their life. You do not have to necessarily feel sorry for them, but you do not have to add to the situation or receive their discontentment they are putting out. “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours”(Wayne Dyer). It is especially important in these moments to remember that we all have said unkind things due to our own frustration within our personal lives. It is difficult, but not impossible, to feel and show love, when you are frustrated and it seems you, yourself, are not receiving love.

For a problem this big and this globally spread, knowing the causes and educating others of the causes, you can take action in your daily life. Working in an effort together is our best chance. Unity, not more destruction, arguments, power moves, or displays of dominance, will solve these kinds of problems. What we really need is a global shift in perception. Too many look at the world in parts. Too many see separation and difference. It may be silly to say, but we are all different, yet the same at the very core. Relinquish the patterns of your minds thoughts and the beliefs you fell into as you grew up, then you will see that diversity is such a beautiful thing. We all desire love, passion, purpose, and a sense of peace and knowing. You can find peace in knowing, that you aren’t alone when life leaves you confused, lost, and everything seems a little chaotic. We all feel pain. It is so easy for us to manipulate and appear one way to others on the surface and it is so easy to be manipulated by others and never search for something deeper. Dig deep and find your empathy. Really be grateful everyday, because whatever challenge you are facing right now will come to an end. Your compassion and love does not have to end, however.

Sources:

https://borgenproject.org/importance-of-small-scale-farmers/

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/10/bargain_for_billionaires_why_philanthropy_is_more_about_p_r_than_progress/

https://www.forksoverknives.com/animal-agriculture-hunger-and-how-to-feed-a-growing-global-population-part-one-of-two/

https://www.grain.org

fullsizeoutput_b86

a memory,

forever ours.

we could talk about it,

but still no one will ever know,

that day we faced the cold.

we held the world,

as we watched the cerulean waves fold,

each disappearing ,

to be drawn in again,

repetitively rising up to die without fearing.

uncertain of what lies beyond the peaceful tide,

this freed us from the monotony of our lives.

children again,

wild spirits could no longer hide.

 

ocean deep souls find their home – g.c

The Center of the Universe

IMG_6484.JPG

 

this past weekend,

i went to the city.

i went to the city and it stole my heart,

right after it made my soul dance.

it left me with a light in my eyes and new desires.

it left me inspired.

it was the energy boost I needed,

for my mind was restless and I had grown tired.

It is kind of odd I say the city was an energy boost. Actually, going out and walking around everywhere gave me extreme fatigue. I did not sleep much while I was there, either. There was too much to do (And, I mean, also, it is the city that never sleeps).

The one uber driver I had, had a great way of explaining the city. He used a radio tower as an analogy for the city. He basically said, it transmits all the energy out into the world. It is the center of all the energy. It is the center of the universe, as some like to call it, and what happens there is signaled out to the rest of the world and has a ripple effect. I thought it was an interesting way to think of it. I can somewhat agree with this analogy. You go there, and when leave, you take this exuberance with you.

Being in the city, reminded me I have a purpose. It reminded me that I am not anyone else and I never will be. It reminded me of the beauty of the fact that we are all so similar, yet so different. We all have our own passions and desires and those deserve to be fulfilled. It made me feel full. It reminded me of my progress. In the city, I saw growth. I saw limitless opportunity and possibility. The city is an open mind. There is no fear of judgment, while you are there. It seems the main focus in the city is to dream, to create, to live fully. Coming from a small town, it was a truly enchanting otherworldly place, where I, surprisingly, felt safe. I know I will go back to the city many many times. I have been further inspired to travel, thanks to this experience. I am truly grateful to live on an earth so diverse, an earth holding new adventures around every corner I turn. I have lived in the same town for 17 years. I know what it is to be “settled down”(okay, like not with a husband, but to have a “permanent” home). But, I feel it in my bones; it is time to wander.

And, for you, I have one suggestion, maybe even a request. Go to the city. Get inspired. Listen to music. Hear your heart’s desire. Lift the veil between what is false and what is real. Admire the colors, sculptures, and art that paint the city. Fall in love with a stranger. Try something for the first time. If you’re looking for magic, the city is where you’ll find it. It helps you to see you for who you truly are. It makes you brave and daring enough, to search for more, beyond where you are coming from, beyond what you have known.

But, perhaps, you do not have to go to New York City. This earth is abundantly decorated with energetic cities and raw peaceful places. Go somewhere new. Go to a place that will give you what you need, whether it be peace and silence or energy and adventure. Trust me, you’ll find what you need. It is as easy as leaving “home”, as easy as leaving comfort.

 

And, also, I went to the Museum of Modern Art and was pretty much mesmerized by everything they had to show. I figured I would share some of what I saw, although the pictures do not do the art justice. Sounds cheesy, but you almost have to experience the art first hand to better understand and love it.

C42B9648-E959-4676-A389-C104E1365054.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

63F0C78E-A679-4E1E-A76D-562C09CFE3FE.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2D45786D-126F-47B0-9635-5E1922D85C17.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

F6763D1D-E30F-4486-94CA-8E10C6782FB0.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The city showed me:

  • the kindness of strangers
  • the soul’s true desires
  • individuality
  • how much energy one place can feed
  • art, so much art
  • music without words
  • what dreams are made of
  • magic

The city taught me:

  • how much love this world has
  • how many people are in need of this love
  • that it’s okay to be on your own
  • judgments are silly and nothing to fear
  • i have a voice and it is there for a reason

IMG_6485.JPG

 

how do you transform poison

IMG_5703.JPG

Okay. Before you read, it is going to seem a little harsh, but it was truly how I was feeling in that moment. I know there is good compassionate people in this world, it is just often masked by the large amount of hate, jealousy, and greed. Even those who possess these qualities are innately good, I believe.

I think for too long now, there has been a lack of knowledge. I also think there is a bit of a disconnect amongst humans and our true nature. We are the same at the core. Many will try to deny this, but there is evidence in those who have been brave enough to strip away their egos and bare the layers of their souls. This was written in a time of hopelessness and is far from how I feel today. Anyways, here is an old entry from my journal:

everywhere I go I see poisoned minds

there is no normalcy anymore

everything about the world and its people

it’s crazy and fucked up

it has made me physically sick

this evil

these ideas

they are the disease of the world

what can I do?

 

how do you transform poison? – g.c.

 

So, like I said, harsh. I wrote it a couple months ago. I needed to write this down, to express what I was feeling, which was deep pain and hopelessness. I felt powerless and angry. The whole thing probably sounds dramatic, but honestly, I don’t think it is. That breaks my heart to even say.

I wrote this, because I was aggravated by the separation in our world. I was lost. I could not understand hate. I was uncertain of myself and my capability to help others. I had no confidence in myself, which was clearly reflected in my confidence in the world.

In my mind, peace seems easy. It is a simple idea. If each of us worked on ourselves and put our best effort forward, everything would be easier, we would know harmony. We would be one civilization with no borders, nothing owned, only shared. Who said the world was ours any how? What gives one human being more of a right to land than another? Most people would see me as a silly naive little girl for having this idea. I know, right now, it is not that simple. This picture represents only one event that is occurring in our world, where human beings are causing harm to one another. “What can I do?”, is a question I am sure many, like myself, ask. Certain humans are made to feel powerless in these situations, yet they continue to tell us that we have a voice and that we are free. I have come to realize I am not powerless. I no longer desire to let the circumstances of the outer world limit me and keep me stagnant. Everyday, I can make the choice to be loving and kind and to grow. I do not need to take out any discontent, that I may be feeling inside, out on the rest of the world. I control my happiness. Everyone controls their own happiness, but many do not realize this. So, I can choose to spread love to those who are lacking, to those who feel out of control.

A scared little girl wrote this journal entry. She no longer lives inside of me. I am not controlled by my fears. I am not controlled by other’s opinions. I struggle, but at the end of the day, I always choose love. Even when I let fear slip into my mind, when I allow hopelessness to take over, something inside of me is stronger now, due to the knowledge I have gained. I have complete trust in myself, that I will always get back up, even when my thoughts bring me to the verge of giving up. I have come to appreciate everything that I am and everything that I have. Gratitude helped me to fall far too much in love with this world to ever give up on it.