have i ever known balance?

it seems i am catapulted from two extremes.

i can’t even grasp the feelings i once had.

no substance compares to the natural high of when you love yourself.

the substances only fill the holes of the pieces of you,

which you don’t find complete on the days,

when looking back in the mirror,

the soul you once saw possessing a home within your crystal eyes has been defeated by the egoic mind.

your eyes are dull and no eyeshadow could make them brighter,

at least not in the same way an authentic smile

draws the light towards itself.

you radiate from the inside out.

an essence as pure as you,

then defeated,

caves in on itself

to the extreme where your only way to cope is denial.

these feelings are not real.

avoidance may seem rather juvenile,

but it is the only way to stop from vomiting

from this pendulum swing.

this is my life and sometimes it is dizzying.

there has just always been something within me

that pushes me to rise,

even though i know i must come down again.

there is no victory nor win

i will settle on the feeling that acceptance brings.

 

extremely enlightened, happily depressed, completely shattered, and sometimes high from the loneliness – g.c.

 

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i do not see those around me hungry for the truth

their stomachs are empty

but i know their hearts are not

they do not feel their hunger

but there will come a day

where they will feel the pain all at once

hear it from one loud roar

recognize it from one occurrence

seeing an event unfold

their lives unfold

and they will beg to be fed

and trust me

they will not starve

their hunger will be satiated

filled with truth

and emptied of reliance

but

until the ego’s demise

the curious child inside will go hungry

and not ask

because they do not know what it is to be fed

 

just some food for thought – g.c.

no one has got it all figured out,

never feel lonely,

find peace in the messiness

 

we are not one dimensional,

we are infinite and infinitely capable

 

surrender your ego’s desire for perfection,

perfection is unobtainable,

something you can not strive for,

because you are already presently perfect,

and will continue to be,

as you grow and change,

and all the different layers to you,

begin to bloom

 

nobody’s perfect- g.c.