i wanna be curled up under a blanket of stars with someone who i know doesn’t care about the trivial

who doesn’t take life too seriously

and can just appreciate the time we have on this beautiful planet

to feel free of this body

my soul invigorated

close to another

alike minds

restless yet at peace with the totality of this complex reality..

instead i am trapped inside

inside my body

inside a house

by myself

burdened by anxiety

the fear of letting go of reality

feeling crazy

for fearing my dreams and what they mean about me

what has changed

from the time i was once so carefree to now

now

when my mind is the one playing tricks to scare me from resting, loving, living, and being free

 

 

 

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CONFIDENCE AND WORTH

if you say you do something and talk about something you support, why do people feel the need to knock you down to their level and take offense?

like.. you’re happy you did something good, even though it may have been simple.

some people, who are insecure, always need to make others feel like there is no way no how you can be above them.

so, they assume that is what you are trying to say.

but don’t let their need to defend themselves offend your accomplishments or take away your happiness.

they are making judgements on where they are in life, and clearly it is not the same place as you, if they can’t allow themselves to feel good about the littlest things that they say, do, and put out into the world.

everything and i mean everything has worth in some way to someone or something.

this is a reoccurring lesson in my life.

only i add value to things,

and that value is only as high as wide as my perception can reach.

i am a world in and of itself,

a series of processes,

created by an intelligence,

gifted with my own to process the world, which i also contribute to creating.

it’s fucking magical,

and i’m happy.

and i feel great about myself and the fact that i exist.

so, no one, no how will knock me down a peg.

because i do not see myself as better,

but i do see myself as worthy.

 

– g.c.

i love the lonely nights

when i sit in spite of the clock

its tedious tick

has the characteristic of a gnawing itch

it is a mind game

i win

i make the rules

decide if i will be eluded

i’ve grown stronger now

my perception reaches beyond deception

the quiet night

quiet like myself

words floating closer to the surface

quickly I catch them

spoken

my views face discretion

i will never get them

so i am here on my own

thank god i no longer cling and know how to be alone

if they only knew gentleness

delicate enough to hold the truth

they’d be thrown

the world would spin around and head closer to home

the stars we’ve been shown

but fear kept us from knowing

the pain is showing

i psychoanalyze each and every encounter

i must deal with disguise but i won’t stop trying

because my hunger is not for a lies

try to offer and soothe

hoping the gentle and calm will bring about anxiety and hatred’s demise

those feelings harbor dark places for the ego to thrive

it’s time it was brushed off

for i can see it in their eyes

their shoulders are tired

it is difficult enough to put up the facade

to hold all this weight

dreams crushed instead of made

they can still be saved

i am still hopeful

the night is my rope still

i hold on to move on

forgiveness

i am mending

intertwined with the divine

grasp onto the line

let it lift you

high enough to see the light

then you’ll see just as i

even though the night is dark and lonely

everything is alright

you will be fine

 

stream of consciousness – g.c.