Acknowledge the Darkness

fullsizeoutput_ec1.jpeg

you’re not alone

someone far away

or very close

is nurturing those demons tonight

who may not be as strong as you

 

or have the awareness

so know this is your gift

you are one step closer to transcendence

knowing you are truly above this will manifest in your reality and those demons will soon have vanished

which you won’t notice until the next time you go looking for them

and you’ll smile

knowing

you didn’t have to fight a battle

to have won

Advertisements

guilt.

it lingers.

i forgive myself each time,

but i am lying.

memories of your irritation, rage, and desolate depression are hazy,

but i can reawaken the feeling of fear,

as if i am back in that moment,

a scared little girl,

her artificial attitude her only defense.

 

a high strung and cynical child.

vulnerable,

i still desired your love,

uncertain if it was still there,

unaware of how to obtain it.

hope, change, optimism sounded all too strange,

unwelcome in our hostile environment.

 

ignorance reigned over our emotions.

now,

better things have come with knowledge,

at least for me.

still,

i wonder,

do you forgive me for adding to your circumstance?

i am better,

but are you?

can you forgive me?

i was so cruel.

even still,

you get angry.

pity, guilt, and sorrow will never be enough.

i was cruel,

but i do not deserve to cling to these emotions,

as if they are making up for something.

they are only meant to stay for a short visit,

only meant to teach me a lesson,

to teach me,

my love,

all love,

is prolific.

i only hope that you too see that.

i only hope that a man can learn to be vulnerable,

even if just for a second.

i hope you do not hear the echo of the times i said, “i hate you.”

everytime i say, ”i love you”

i hope that you’ll forgive me,

but i can no longer bare to continue to feel guilty.  

 

– g.c.