if it is a waste of time to just merely exist,

then why does just breathing feel so peaceful

 

we spend time,

running around,

looking for a purpose to fulfill,

i personally feel purpose,

when i am still

 

i am here – g.c.

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Come to your senses
Break down the fences
Guarding your heart
Your mind is alert
But your soul is still asleep
Wandering with the sheep
Stand above it all
You are not crazy for hearing a different call
The shepherds voice
Is not your only choice
Anywhere you wish to go
Be quiet, patient, and know

– g.c.

 

two left feet,

elephant arms swinging,

movements way off beat,

from the tippity top of tired lungs,

tortuously loud singing,

unstoppable,

music rushing like blood through her veins,

messy tendrils of golden hair are probable,

naive and displeased with life’s foolish games,

she dances,

dances to release this pain,

spinning around,

until reality can no longer be found,

shaking away worries,

until her heart can feel sound,

the song of her soul,

she calls it liberation,

it plays when she dances,

it rids life’s frustration,

moments where her world is silent are the best chances

for jubilant freedom dances

 

home alone – g.c.

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the lines carved into my palms imitate the lines of the water
seen within the reflection of the sunlight
connected to a source
pure life
i don’t know where this image is being projected from
all i know is the gratitude that fills my heart because i get to witness this movie with my eyes
and feel the pressure being carried down through the sky
to cool the earth and keep me alive

i love the lonely nights

when i sit in spite of the clock

its tedious tick

has the characteristic of a gnawing itch

it is a mind game

i win

i make the rules

decide if i will be eluded

i’ve grown stronger now

my perception reaches beyond deception

the quiet night

quiet like myself

words floating closer to the surface

quickly I catch them

spoken

my views face discretion

i will never get them

so i am here on my own

thank god i no longer cling and know how to be alone

if they only knew gentleness

delicate enough to hold the truth

they’d be thrown

the world would spin around and head closer to home

the stars we’ve been shown

but fear kept us from knowing

the pain is showing

i psychoanalyze each and every encounter

i must deal with disguise but i won’t stop trying

because my hunger is not for a lies

try to offer and soothe

hoping the gentle and calm will bring about anxiety and hatred’s demise

those feelings harbor dark places for the ego to thrive

it’s time it was brushed off

for i can see it in their eyes

their shoulders are tired

it is difficult enough to put up the facade

to hold all this weight

dreams crushed instead of made

they can still be saved

i am still hopeful

the night is my rope still

i hold on to move on

forgiveness

i am mending

intertwined with the divine

grasp onto the line

let it lift you

high enough to see the light

then you’ll see just as i

even though the night is dark and lonely

everything is alright

you will be fine

 

stream of consciousness – g.c.

i can not feel bad for desiring to be alone.

just me and my mind.

i can not continue to resist the obligation i feel to immerse myself in the external world.

the force i put on myself to be amongst others and to be normal

wears me down,

so that the pull inside of me that begs for me to nurture the self

gets tired and i let go of who i am all together.

i lose my hold on myself,

and become small in the large chaos of the material world.

i can no longer bare to hurt myself like this,

so i will immerse myself in both worlds.

when there is agitation in either,

i will sit at the seat of my soul,

and know all that is outside of me is within me.

i can chose who i am in the present,

and nothing can ever change that,

because all there ever really is is change.

 

i don’t know when i will be able to relinquish this idea

i thought i had almost defeated this association

this insecurity

but hunger still feels like pride

and fullness always feels like shame

 

what an erroneous idea

that emptiness equals wholeness

 

thin – g.c.