My senior year of high school I enrolled myself in all art classes and took one other science class.
I had quit the school cheer team, after one year.
I never stuck to any clubs.
I never did your usual extracurriculars.
I didn’t make it a priority to go to every homecoming dance.
I wasn’t even going to go to a prom, until my friend asked me to go to her’s.
I didn’t finish Sunday school and stopped going to church.
I never really went out after school with the people I sat with at lunch,
and I graduated a semester early.
Why would I do this?
Why wouldn’t I just join in,
and live the “best four years of my life”, as everyone said I should?
Because I didn’t find meaning in any of it,
because my soul is relentless and I can’t do anything other than give my all to what I am passionate about.
I wasn’t stressed by picking a career or choosing the right friends.
Conformity and stability were what burdened me and kept me longing for more.
When you are not doing what everyone else is doing, they are left to wonder.
To most it may seem like I didn’t even have a life.
What did I do with all that time?
I wasn’t living by time.
I was completely lost and left everything to uncertainty,
but I was living more than those I would see around me were.
I was caught up in getting to know myself,
not trying to become someone.
And who I found I am does not see the tassles, awards, and academic titles as the only things that give a person worth.
When I meet someone, I don’t care for the alcaldes they have been given by others or what achievements are listed under their names.
I wonder why they hold value to these things and do these really make them feel alive.
Is what you have done in the past what makes you whole right now?
I don’t see how, because you are not those things you once did.
If we were, then we would be full of regret, because as much as you flaunt your success,
I undoubtedly know you have failed too.
I never aim to degrade anyone, because I don’t need to feel better than others.
What I crave is connection.
I won’t join in conversations that don’t spark my interest just to be in the know or accepted.
I won’t go out when my heart begs me to stay home alone in my room and create.
I never quit anything (sports, school clubs, classes, friends).
I let go of and gave up what didn’t fufill me.
I know what it is like to just stick it out, because you don’t want to look like you gave up.
I’ve learnt that my time is valuable, and that if it doesn’t feel right anymore, it isn’t.
Change is what I thrive on, so I’m never sorry for all the phases I go through.
I’m excited to see the person I will be in the future, but love and accept who I am right now.
Everyday I create myself.
Everyday is an adventure.
The only achievement I would feel pride in isn’t graduating the top of my class or winning the state championship, but living unapolagetically and from a place of authenticity, always allowing my truth to be spoken.
I don’t need to fall in line or fit in.
I need to grow.
I don’t need power.
I need love.
These have been a great four years.
I spent more time with myself.
I faced more challenges.
I tried so many things and met so many people.
I didn’t click with everything or everyone,
but every experience was worth having.