i can not feel bad for desiring to be alone.
just me and my mind.
i can not continue to resist the obligation i feel to immerse myself in the external world.
the force i put on myself to be amongst others and to be normal
wears me down,
so that the pull inside of me that begs for me to nurture the self
gets tired and i let go of who i am all together.
i lose my hold on myself,
and become small in the large chaos of the material world.
i can no longer bare to hurt myself like this,
so i will immerse myself in both worlds.
when there is agitation in either,
i will sit at the seat of my soul,
and know all that is outside of me is within me.
i can chose who i am in the present,
and nothing can ever change that,
because all there ever really is is change.